Castle, where are we going?
by MadAboutCastle1090
Summary: This conversation takes place sometime after "Still" and "The Squab and the Quail." I always thought a conversation between Castle and Beckett about where their relationship was going would have been interesting to watch. Instead, Beckett got the answer to her question in the form of a proposal, which was still pretty great.


Kate stopped in the doorway to Castle's bedroom. She had been talking herself into this all day and she wasn't going to chicken out now. She looked across the room at Castle, adjusting pillows and fussing with the bedding, with a mixture of adoration and frustration. She loved him. He knew she loved him. Saying the words for the first time while standing on a trigger plate rigged to explode may not have been the best timing, but she felt they were even considering he'd said he loved her while she had a bullet in her chest and was fighting to stay alive. Either way, Castle knew how she felt about him.

When she'd said the words, he responded that he loved her too. In that moment, his voice was full of the knowledge that he knew how she felt. He also knew she hadn't been ready in that moment to tell him, but she wasn't going to leave him without ever having said the words out loud.

After Espo and Ryan came through with the name that would release her from a death she'd made peace with, Kate hadn't been able to say the words again. She knew it didn't make any sense, but Castle didn't press the issue. He knew her well enough to know that she was still in the process of bringing down her walls. She liked to think realizing her feelings for Castle hadn't brought them tumbling down, rather the realization built a drawbridge made only for him. It was this entry point, the one she had given to Castle, that allowed her to make serious progress, to lower her defenses, and give others a chance to scale what was left of her walls.

At first, simply being with him was enough. She had never told him, and probably never would because she would never live it down, but she had been in love with him for years. He had been right that night in her apartment when he accused her of hiding in relationships with men she didn't love. Demming and Josh had both been distractions, camouflage, a way of marking time. She wasn't ready to face her feelings for Castle that night when she'd told him their partnership was over. She wasn't ready to face those feelings until she was faced with the idea that he would never know how she felt.

Now, nearly a year after she found herself hanging from the side of a building and months after standing on a bomb all day, the last of her walls were gone. She wanted more. More importantly, she was ready for more. That was not to say what she and Castle currently had was not enough. It was the opposite, in fact. What they had was nearly perfect. They had fun together. They laughed together. They were strong for each other. They were good for each other. It had taken Eric Vaughn to make her realize what she needed from Castle was a direction. She needed to know how serious he was about their relationship and if there was a chance they were headed for forever. She knew. This was it for her. He was it. That knowledge scared her more than she could comprehend.

Even now, admitting to herself that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Castle, confronting the enormity of those feelings, made her heart race. Vulnerability was an emotion she had always been careful to avoid. Kate also knew the conversation she needed to have with the man she loved more than anything was going to require a great deal of it. Almost as much as showing up at his door soaking wet had taken. But, just as she had that night, she was not going to run from how she felt anymore. So, with a deep, steadying breath, she stepped into the room.

"Castle," she said tentatively. "Can we maybe put a pin in the massage for a minute?"

"Kate, I don't have the necessary equipment for acupuncture." He replied with a grin.

She shot him a look that she hoped simultaneously conveyed her amusement and seriousness. "No, I mean can we put it on hold. I want to talk about something."

"Of course." He said, a look of concern crossing his face. "Is everything okay?"

"I… I think so." Kate replied, desperately trying to steady her voice.

Castle crossed the room in two strides and took both her hands in his. "Kate, just tell me what is on your mind. Whatever it is, we will figure it out together."

Kate swallowed hard and forced herself to meet his eyes. They were full of concern and confusion. "Castle, the other night, when I asked you where we were going, it didn't have anything to do with being pulled off the couch. I so appreciate that you want to show me how much you don't take me for granted, but I really meant, where are_we_going?"

His look of confusion lessened as he comprehended her meaning and exhaled. "Beckett, do you want to know where I think our relationship is going? Is that what this is about?"

She looked down at their intertwined hands as she replied, "Yes. I mean we have been together for close to a year and it has been wonderful. We've been having so much fun. I just want to know what you see for our future. I want to know how serious you are in this relationship."

Glad she was barefoot and not as tall as he, Castle grinned and leaned in to kiss her lightly on her forehead. "Kate, look at me." He gently lifted her chin and turned her face up. Her eyes met his gaze and he saw that she had tears in her eyes. Castle gently kissed her lips, and then the place on her cheek where one tear had escaped.

"Kate, I am so sorry if I ever, even for a second, made you feel like I was not 1,000% committed to being with you. That was never my intention. I admit, I got too comfortable and took you for granted, but that will never happen again. I meant what I said in your apartment all those months ago. I think you are remarkable and the case with Vaughn reminded me just how lucky I am."

She looked at him, more confused than ever. She knew he'd been jealous of Vaughn, but she wasn't sure what he meant by that statement. She hadn't told him what Vaughn had said about her. He must have read the confusion on her face because he continued. "When Vaughn was leaving the precinct tonight, he told me I had an extraordinary person. I told him I knew that already and he responded, 'Do you?' That simple question hit me like a piano falling from a 20 story window."

Beckett laughed, but let him finish. "That question reminded me of just how incredible it is that someone as extraordinary as you could be with someone like me. I lost sight of that and I am sorry if that made you feel like I didn't value what we have."

Kate continued to look into the blue eyes she knew so well and replied, "But that's just it Castle. What do we have? We were friends for a long time. Now we're in this relationship and it almost feels like that's where we are stuck. I just want to know what your next step is."

"Kate," Castle replied in a voice barely more than a whisper, "there is no next step for me."

She made to pull her hands away from him, heart pounding in her ears, feeling hurt and rejected, but his grip on her hands only tightened.

"Let me explain." He said and something in his voice quieted her heartbeat. "When I say there is no next step, I mean this is it. You're it. I never want to take another step unless you're taking it with me."

Kate felt her whole body relax. He'd said out loud the words that had been living in her heart for weeks. She smiled up at him and kissed him gently on the cheek. "Does that mean what I think it means?" She asked.

He grinned down at her and raised his eye brows. "It means I am not going anywhere. It means this is forever if that's what you want."

Kate swallowed the tightness in her throat, but it was no good. Tears spilled from her eyes as she took his face in her hands. "I have never wanted anything more." She replied, her voice constricted through her tears. "I am not sure I am ready for us to take the next step right now, but I do know it's what I want. I want you. Always."

"Whenever you are ready, I will be too."

Castle bent to meet her tear streaked face and kissed her. She kissed him back, but then pulled away. She kissed his cheek, then his jaw, then she moved her mouth to his ear and whispered, "I love you, Rick." Then her whole body relaxed and all the apprehension she'd been feeling was completely gone.


End file.
